You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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