My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize