He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
