i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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