Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Your cock deserves a montage
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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