new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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