I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
