I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
