I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
