so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
