Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think people are normalizing furries
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
