Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
