3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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