My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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