Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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