the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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