I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
