My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize