I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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