is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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