Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
