I skipped work to stalk him.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
