Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
