I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
