omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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