i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
