It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
