She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
