I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
