we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
