You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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