watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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