If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize