we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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