I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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