I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
tell me about the fingering
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