if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize