We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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