He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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