If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
