Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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