The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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