the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
