Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
