Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
