U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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