Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
