Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
