I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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