She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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