I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize