There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
