I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
