im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
