Please, let me fuck your mom
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
