You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
