Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
