Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize