I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
and she was petting her beer can
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
