you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
