Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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