just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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