I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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