The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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