If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
