ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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