every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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