420 ftw
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
