It was confusing and full of hummus
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
