i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
