I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Randomize
